“My daughter, Catherine, is 38 years old, not married, no children and is a cardiologist. She has more money than she knows what to do with. My son, Bryan, is 32 years old, married with three children. He and his wife work hard, but sometimes struggle to make ends meet. I am tempted to write my Will to leave the bulk of my estate to my son who would make good use of it, rather than to my daughter for whom it will do little more than simply add to her portfolio. My two children have always gotten along very well and I did not want to surprise anyone, so I asked Catherine what she thought about my idea. She said that it is a fine idea; she does not need the money so go ahead and give most of it to Bryan. She said she mainly would just want some personal items. I know Catherine well and I believe that she is being sincere in her comments. David, what do you think?”
Believe it or not, this is a very easy question. Divide your estate 50/50 between your two children and then forget about it. Ignore your daughter’s comments completely. When you speak to your daughter you think you are talking to an intelligent, highly educated, mature person, which 99% of the time is true. However, in this one situation, you’re not. As regards her relationship with you and her brother, you are talking to a thirteen-year-old child occupying a 38-year-old body. Catherine has always had the hidden belief that you preferred the baby of the family, Bryan, over her. Why do you think she got straight A’s and went to medical school if not to win your approval? If you leave her a lesser share, you will confirm that belief forever that Bryan is more special than she. There is a part of her that will forever think that if you really loved her, you would signify that love within your final written document of this Earth by giving as much to her as you give to her brother. Do not alter that plan.
Remember if she sincerely wants to benefit Bryan with her share of your estate this can be accomplished both before and after distribution. There is nothing stopping her from helping her brother. Just let it be her decision, not yours. One more item: do not make it indirectly your decision by telling her that you are doing a 50/50 split but it would be nice if she helped her brother. Just write the Will and let Catherine figure it out, or not, on her own.
Believe it or not, this is a very easy question. Divide your estate 50/50 between your two children and then forget about it. Ignore your daughter’s comments completely. When you speak to your daughter you think you are talking to an intelligent, highly educated, mature person, which 99% of the time is true. However, in this one situation, you’re not. As regards her relationship with you and her brother, you are talking to a thirteen-year-old child occupying a 38-year-old body. Catherine has always had the hidden belief that you preferred the baby of the family, Bryan, over her. Why do you think she got straight A’s and went to medical school if not to win your approval? If you leave her a lesser share, you will confirm that belief forever that Bryan is more special than she. There is a part of her that will forever think that if you really loved her, you would signify that love within your final written document of this Earth by giving as much to her as you give to her brother. Do not alter that plan.
Remember if she sincerely wants to benefit Bryan with her share of your estate this can be accomplished both before and after distribution. There is nothing stopping her from helping her brother. Just let it be her decision, not yours. One more item: do not make it indirectly your decision by telling her that you are doing a 50/50 split but it would be nice if she helped her brother. Just write the Will and let Catherine figure it out, or not, on her own.