In the past David has joked, “When I die, I want my body cremated. Thereafter, the “cremains” (let me guess-a mortician made that one up) are to be mixed into 50 gallons of Cuervo Gold. Then you are to hold a party so all of my friends can drink me.”   Can you imagine if your spouse/partner said something like that to you? Oh, yes, ashes in rivers, lakes, on mountains and fields, all pretty normal requests and easy to honor. What about the requests that are crazy to some but important to you? From the look on Jill’s face each time David has given these directions, it’s likely she may not intend to respect his final wishes. So, how do you insure that your final requests, like David’s, will be honored?

First, do what he did. Tell the person most likely to be in charge what you want and see if it is agreeable. Additionally, tell anyone likely to complain and discuss it right up front. For example, if your spouse is OK with cremation but you are not sure about your other family members, talk to them. Explain why it’s important to you. Don’t let them be surprised after your death when it’s too late for the conversation. If everyone agrees, then it is probably settled. If someone important (e.g. your parent or child) disagrees, tell him or her you truly hope and expect them to honor your wishes whether they like it or not. If you think the person is still going to cause trouble, or if that person is your spouse, you have two choices.

1. Forget about it or at least modify the wish – the post-mortem family strife might be just too divisive; and hey, on some level, it’s not about you. Or, ask for the party, request lots of tequila be consumed in your name but don’t make your family ask people to drink your ashes (or fill in the blank for your “unique” request);

2. Find a Personal Representative (Executor) who will enforce your wishes, whatever your family thinks, and then write those wishes clearly and expressly in your Will, or in a stand-alone “Declaration of Disposition of Last Remains” and write a “To whom it may concern” letter and give the letter to your executor so that he/she will have it immediately available upon your demise.

3. Finally, if your wishes are fairly normal, help your family and lay them out (no pun intended) while you’re alive and well. Some individuals will even visit a funeral home and pre-pay for the whole package.

Now, back to David. Most of his friends and family are women. Wouldn’t 50 gallons of Malbec be more appropriate?